DALLAS, TX — A local software engineer has reportedly launched an elaborate psychological operation disguised as a satirical AI news website, with the stated goal of “gradually returning human consciousness to a simpler time when newspapers were printed on paper and nobody knew what a gradient was.”
The website, ominously titled “Banishing Gradients,” features a stark design completely devoid of the rounded corners, soft shadows, and smooth color transitions that have defined web design since approximately 2015.
“Look at this,” said Dr. Helena Marsh, a cognitive psychologist at Stanford who has been monitoring the site. “There’s not a single gradient anywhere. The backgrounds are flat colors. The buttons have sharp edges. It’s like looking directly into 1974.”
According to leaked documents, the site’s creator deliberately chose a red accent color described internally as “the exact shade of a 1970s newspaper masthead” and implemented typography that “recalls an era when fonts had personality and people read things longer than 280 characters.”
“We believe this is just the beginning,” warned FBI Special Agent Marcus Torres, who has been assigned to monitor the situation. “Today it’s flat colors and serif fonts. Tomorrow he could escalate to wood paneling and shag carpeting. We have to remain vigilant.”
The website’s content, which consists entirely of satirical articles about the artificial intelligence industry, appears designed to lull readers into a false sense of intellectual engagement.
“That’s the really insidious part,” explained media analyst Patricia Chen. “You start reading a joke about GPT-5 being two GPT-4s in a trench coat, and the next thing you know, you’re genuinely contemplating the nature of machine consciousness. Before long, you’re questioning why your banking app needs seventeen different shades of blue.”
Sources close to the creator revealed that “Banishing Gradients” is merely the first phase of a larger initiative codenamed “Operation Nostalgia.”
“Phase two involves launching a podcast that’s just thirty minutes of a newspaper being read aloud,” said one anonymous insider. “Phase three is reportedly a physical newspaper, printed on actual paper, delivered by an actual child on a bicycle.”
When reached for comment, the site’s creator simply stared into the middle distance and muttered something about “the warm embrace of brutalist design” and “a world where buttons looked like buttons.”
Tech industry leaders have expressed mixed reactions to the project.
“I find it deeply offensive,” said one Silicon Valley executive who requested anonymity. “We spent years developing design systems with carefully calibrated gradients that subconsciously trigger dopamine responses. This man is trying to undo decades of psychological manipulation. Think of the shareholders.”
Meanwhile, a small but growing contingent of users has reportedly begun experiencing what psychologists are calling “Gradient Withdrawal Syndrome.”
“I visited the site once and now I can’t look at my iPhone without feeling vaguely unsettled,” reported one affected user on Reddit. “Yesterday I found myself genuinely considering purchasing a newspaper. A physical one. What’s happening to me?”
At press time, the creator had reportedly begun work on a companion site called “Abolishing Animations” and was overheard discussing plans for a third site tentatively titled “Destroying Drop Shadows.”